I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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