I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
