did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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