Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
