i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
