This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
