I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
