Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
