I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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