She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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