I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
