i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My pussy is not your playground.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
