Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
