My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize