I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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