drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize