I hate your face
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
