you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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