in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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