Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
