the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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