Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
