Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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