They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
