Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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