so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
