Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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