that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize