remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Randomize