so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
