There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dicks are not precious.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
