You just made me feel so damn special
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
