If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
