Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize