so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
