ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
