Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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