What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
