Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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