If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize