i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
