we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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