ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
