And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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