i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
