Old men and throwing up are my life now.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize