I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
