It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
