the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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