My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize