Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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