Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize