Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
