Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
