i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
