Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
