Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
