Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
