he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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