ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
