dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
