i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
