Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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