I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
