A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
